Some say not to make major life decisions in your first year of recovery. They also say to avoid relationships. But nobody mentioned what to do when you realize you've been sober longer than some people have been driving, and you're still using dating apps like you're shopping for groceries.

Here's what I've learned about dating in recovery (the hard way, naturally):

The Profile Dilemma

Do I mention I'm in recovery? My first instinct was to lead with "Sober and loving it!" but my sponsor suggested that might attract the wrong kind of attention. So I went with subtle: "I enjoy morning coffee more than evening cocktails." (Still attracted some interesting characters.)

First Date Locations

Coffee shops become your best friend. But after the fifth coffee date in a row, I started to wonder if I was becoming a caffeine addict instead. At least this addiction comes with WiFi and comfortable seating.

Mini golf was a revelation. Nothing says "I'm fun without substances" like arguing about windmill placement while holding a tiny putter.

The Conversation

"So, what's your story?" used to terrify me. Now I've got it down to a science:

• Brief mention of personal growth journey ✓
• Focus on current interests and hobbies ✓
• Avoid the phrase "rock bottom" on date one ✓
• Remember that everyone has something they're working on ✓

Red Flags (Recovery Edition)

- Suggesting bars for every date suggestion

- Getting weird when you order soda at dinner

- Asking if you're "fun" (translation: will you drink with me?)

- Treating your sobriety like a temporary phase

- Not having any interests beyond weekend partying

The Plot Twist

The best dates I've had weren't with other people in recovery, but with people who were genuinely interested in personal growth, had their own hobbies, and didn't need alcohol to have fun. Recovery taught me what I actually enjoy, and it turns out, I'm way more interesting sober.

Plus, I remember all my dates now. That's either a blessing or a curse, depending on how they go.

Current relationship status: In a committed relationship with my recovery program. Open to meeting someone who appreciates that this is my most important relationship.