Things that happen in online AA meetings that would never happen in a Face to Face meeting

Let’s be honest... some online AA meetings are so bat shit crazy you wonder if half the screen has ever read the Traditions. Or even sat in a real-life meeting. Zoom gave us a lifeline. It also gave us chaos. Bless it. Curse it. Use it wisely.

This isn’t a hit piece. It’s a reality check from someone who’s seen both sides and still believes in the program... not the circus.

1) The “Mute Button” Monologue

In person, you don’t get to mute the room and rant for eight minutes while everyone stares, helpless. Online, it’s open mic night for the untreated alcoholic. Bonus points if they start with “I’ll be quick...” and end somewhere around childhood trauma and spiritual awakenings via ayahuasca.

Fix it:

• Hard time boundaries.
• Co-hosts trained to mute with love.
• Use a timer. Use it visibly. Enforce it.

2) Bathroom Breaks... Live on Camera

No one in a church hall forgets to turn off their body. On Zoom, we’ve seen people wander to the toilet mid-share. Camera on. Audio on. No shame. In person, you’d leave the room. Online, we bear witness to... everything.

Fix it:

• Opening script: “Cameras on faces. If you need to move, camera off.”
• Hosts who aren’t afraid to stop the meeting and reset.

3) The Drive-By Pitch

People join. Drop their sponsor hotline. Post a “DM me for a miracle” message. Then vanish. In a real room, you don’t walk in, slap a flyer on someone’s lap, and leave. Online, it’s practically a business model.

Fix it:

• Disable chat to “hosts only” during shares.
• 7th Tradition and group contacts only. No private pitching. Ever.

4) The 45-Minute Cross-Talk Debate

In person, cross-talk gets shut down. Fast. Online, it becomes a TED Talk on “What Bill W. really meant”. Then three more people jump in. Suddenly the meeting is a philosophy seminar with a side of resentment.

Fix it:

• Scripted boundaries: no cross-talk, no advising, no diagnosing.
• Chair steps in. Move on. No explanations. No drama.

5) The Anonymous Expert Panel

You get an army of black squares. Names like “iPhone 743”. No one speaks. Then suddenly, someone unmutes to deliver the definitive take on everyone’s recovery... without introducing themselves. In person, anonymity isn’t invisibility. Online, people confuse the two.

Fix it:

• Encourage “cameras on” for participation.
• Clear expectations. Anonymity means privacy, not faceless commentary.

6) The 200-Person Free-For-All

You’d never cram 200 people into a church basement and say “let’s all share.” Online? People love it. Chaos at scale. Newcomers get lost. Old-timers log off. The message gets diluted into a soup of “I feel” with no solution.

Fix it:

• Cap attendance or use breakouts with trained facilitators.
• Rotate formats. Topic + timed shares + newcomer priority.
• Keep it intimate. Depth, not volume.

7) The Cult of The Chair

Some online chairs turn into spiritual dictators. They rewrite traditions, pronounce judgment, and excommunicate people mid-meeting. In person, the room polices that energy. Online, power concentrates behind the host button.

Fix it:

• Group conscience. Real one. With minutes and rotation.
• Chair training. Traditions first. Ego last.

8) The Pop-Up Rehab Referral

Sponsors-for-hire. Coaches. “Alternative therapies”. The “AA adjacent” ecosystem sneaks into the chat. In a proper meeting, you get AA program talk. Online, you get affiliate links and recovery funnels.

Fix it:

• One announcement section. AA-related only.
• No private chat during meeting.
• No links except meeting resources.

9) The Trauma Dump With No Net

There’s a difference between honest sharing and detonating a nuclear device in the room. Online seems to lower the threshold. People unload. Then leave. In person, someone would catch them at the coffee urn. Online, they vanish.

Fix it:

• Aftercare plan. Greeters and newcomer chat stays open after the meeting.
• Clearly announce available support and next steps.

10) The “Is this even AA?” Format

Four meditations. Two poems. A playlist. Zero mention of the Steps. Looks great on Instagram. Helps nobody get sober. In person, the structure holds. Online, formats drift into performance.

Fix it:

• Anchor to the literature. Big Book. 12&12. As Bill Sees It.
• Keep the purpose clear: carry the message.

11) The Endless Tech Spiral

“Can you hear me?” “You’re on mute.” “No, you’re muted.” “Who’s sharing?” Fifteen minutes gone. In a physical room, once the chairs are set, the meeting runs. Online, tech can steal the serenity.

Fix it:

• Tech host separate from chair.
• Pre-meeting tech check.
• Simple format. Simple tools. Keep backups.

12) The Boardroom Energy

Some online meetings become corporate. KPI vibes. Spreadsheet attendance. In person, you feel the human mess. Online, people try to optimize the soul out of it. The program isn’t a SaaS product.

Fix it:

• Spiritual principles over performance metrics.
• Rotate service. Keep it human. Keep it messy where it matters.

13) The “Global Parking Lot” Problem

The best part of in-person is the parking lot after. Online, we click “Leave.” Newcomers need the aftercare. The jokes. The real talk. The phone number exchange. The oxygen.

Fix it:

• Always keep the room open 15–30 minutes after.
• Designated fellows to welcome, swap numbers, offer next-meeting invites.

14) The Boundary Collapse

People overshare because they’re at home. Blanket wrapped. Dog on lap. They feel safe. Until they don’t. Then shame hits. In person, the room holds you. Online, you’re alone on a couch with your thoughts.

Fix it:

• Meeting script: share experience, strength, hope. Not graphic details.
• Remind people of recordings policy: strictly prohibited.

15) The On-Camera Workout And Multi-Task Circus

You would never do burpees in the front row of a church hall. Or fold laundry in the first three rows. Online? People are on exercise bikes, chopping onions, driving, shopping, gaming. You can hear treadmills. See reps. Smell the distraction through the screen. It sucks the attention out of the room and screams, “I’m here, but not really.”

Fix it:

• Clear script line: “Please be fully present. If you need to move around, turn camera off.”
• No driving while sharing. No workouts on camera. Save the sweat for after.
• Hosts empowered to send gentle reminders in chat or move folks to the waiting room if it keeps disrupting.

What the Traditions would say... if we actually listened

• Tradition One: Unity. Not chaos. Design for safety and clarity.
• Tradition Two: Group conscience. Not host ego.
• Tradition Three: The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Not cameras on, not your homegroup, not your dog’s approval. But... participation has guidelines. Both can be true.
• Tradition Five: Primary purpose. Carry the message. Not your brand. Not your method. The message.

The simple online meeting that works

• Clear script. Timers. No cross-talk. No private chat.
• Chair + tech host + newcomer lead.
• Literature-based topic. Timed shares. Newcomer priority.
• Room stays open after. Phone list shared by request.
• Monthly group conscience. Rotate service. Train chairs.
• Annual or bi-annual group inventory to check alignment with Traditions and purpose. Adjust format, service positions, and guardrails based on what you learn.

Final word

Online meetings saved lives. Full stop. But let’s not pretend the format can’t go sideways fast. The answer isn’t control-freaking it to death. It’s bringing the same principles that built decades of solid in-person recovery... into the grid of little boxes.

Keep it simple. Keep it spiritual. Keep it AA.

And if your meeting is turning into a circus... congratulate the clowns. Then rewrite the format.